The Skinny Jeans Detox

Anyone who follows me on Twitter will know I'm a keen dieter.  Born through necessity - it's not like I naturally love it - but if wearing skinny jeans is your business being able to fit into them is kind of key.

Like most of us (and if you didn't, then how?!) I overindulged at Christmas so when Purifyne offered to sign me up for a 7 day detox I said yes yes yes!

Purifyne deliver to your door in London - so in my case to the Donna Ida head office. Nice and easy.

To get you through the 7 days you receive:

- Spirulina

- Chlorella

- Super Food Mix

- Psyllium Husk

All these are to be mixed in with the juice they send you.  I put the required amounts into a tea cup each morning then mixed some of the juice in and downed it.  It looked like an unattended pond - tasted better though - but my dogs were going absolutely bananas so maybe there was something in there attractive to my little friends.

Also to be downed each morning

- 2 capsules of Bentonite Clay

- 2 capsules of Essential Fatty Acids

- 2 capsules of Liver Support Supplements

There are 4 big juices to drink each day and Purifyne recommend you sip them slowly throughout the day, along with lots of water and calming herbal teas, and they also give you Aloe Vera and Acai Berry juice and coconut water which you take little shots of.  In short, a LOT of liquid.

Also delivered was a nice big scratchy mitt thing that you put your hand in and scrub your thighs with furiously in the shower.  It's fantastic.  It's supposed to help wash all those toxins away.  I'm sure they work if you use them religiously, a friend of mine brutalises her thighs with one morning and night and she says she can really see the difference.

ALSO delivered.....was an enema kit.  Never one to do things by halves I opted for the full flush.  I was so curious.  The enema kit is essentially a plastic hose with a bag attached - it looked like something a hospital or doctor would use so I felt pretty confident that it was the Real McCoy.

I dived into the instructions and my eyes immediately seized upon the sentence:

4.         Slide the clamp open briefly to allow air to exit the tube and insert it roughly 2-3 inches into the anus.

Roughly?!  I'm sending them a Thesaurus.  Once I'd stopped laughing and read it aloud to 2 or 3 people (with the requisite "GEDDIT?!") I felt calm enough to carry on.

I've done loads of detoxes and really like them - you always feel good with a week off food.  7 days is kind of hard though, it's tough on the social life and quite difficult to find 7 clear days in the diary.  If you're busy like me I would recommend you a) plan very far in advance and clear your diary or b) just do 5 days Monday - Friday.

I can honestly say I wasn't hungry on this detox - same as any.  With fruit in the juice there's enough sugar to keep you going and I didn't feel exhausted in the mornings or like I could hardly stay awake at night.  The only thing I did feel though was a little big stupid.  I started on the Monday and by the Wednesday I felt like I'd had a partial lobotomy.

Incident 1

Faff about at home with my enema kit.  Once I have it rigged up I settle into position (try not to visualise - please) and suddenly there is water spurting everywhere.  I check the 'nozzle' which seems to want to come off all the time and off I go again.  Same thing happens.  I pack up the kit in a huff and the next morning fire off an email to Purifyne saying there is something wrong with their enema kit, it seems good for only one use, is clearly of inferior quality, the nozzle won't stay on, and can they please send several more.  They respond immediately saying the 'nozzle' is actually the cap on the end of the hose, and that needs to be removed.  See?  Thick after only 2 days. I'd used it before and everything but had completely forgotten.

Incident 2

Drive to Westfield to visit the Donna Ida boutique there.  Park the car, turn it off, put my handbag on my shoulder then look at the passenger seat and - with my heart in my mouth - think WHERE IS MY HANDBAG??!  How did I get here without it?  Where are the car keys?  After a good 10 seconds of panic I realise I'm siting there with it on my shoulder.  That would never normally happen.

So here's my overview:

1          You will not be hungry on Purifyne.

2          You will always receive quick helpful advice by phone or email.

3          You will lose weight.

4          Your skin will look great.

5          You should not operate heavy machinery.

6          If you have a responsible job that requires a lot of quick thinking, take a few days off to do it.

For more information please contact Purifyne

Website .

Tel: 0207 286 2151

Mob: 0779 356 1297


Address: No. 318, 28 Old Brompton Road,

South Kensington, London SW7 3SS.

7-day Bespoke Plus Detox - Deep Cleanse - £389.00 (VAT included)

Bespoke Plus Detox - Deep Cleanse A (with enema)
Bespoke Plus Detox - Deep Cleanse B (without enema)

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