A favourite man of mine named Jarvis Cocker once wrote a song called 'The Fear'. Though I don't think he was necessarily writing about the same fear as I am about to share with you, I have definitely got the song stuck in my head now.
There are many things that give me the fear. Tescos on a Saturday afternoon. Not being in bed at 6 am. Bank tube station at 8 am on a weekday. Spiders. Hair in the shower plug hole. Today, as well as some of the above, I realised a new kind of fear. The fear of trying on shorts in London in January.
As any normal human being (or squirrel) knows, it is not right or natural to spend an entire winter in London. It is just too cold, too dark, too eeeuuuyyuch. Yes, that's right friends, I am planning a holiday. So I was very excited today when in came a new delivery of super cute MiH khaki Deauville shorts. "Oh these will be perfect" I thought, as I slipped on a size 26 and imagined I was sunning myself in Barbados. I had even taken a bath and shaved my legs the night before (an uncommon occurence), so I thought I was ready.
NO! The cellulite! The translucence! The fact that I hadn't shaved above my knees and these shorts were almost showing cheek! I almost need to take a holiday spending two weeks on a strict sunbathing, swimming and jogging regimen just to prepare myself for these shorts!
Thank goodness for the following things:
1. Fake tan. I am buying ten bottles.
2. The Jeans for Genes fun-run in September. Because I would never have the motivation to get fit unless it was to support my favourite charity!
3. Reebok 'runtone' shoes. They tone your bum even more than normal as you run!... Double goodness!
4. High waists. The blimmin' clever thing about these shorts is they are super high waisted, so they make your tum look tiny! Even if I did eat a bit too much this Christmas, I am still going to look just like Brigette Bardot in Contempt!
Yep. I am getting the shorts. They are scary, but buying your first pair of shorts for the season always is, and it has to be done at some point... And these are too good to miss out on!